Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
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I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
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