your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
