yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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