OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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