It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
