I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
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