just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Holy shit dude........stairs
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
