She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Randomize
