redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Randomize
