all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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