I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
