So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
