I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Randomize
