Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
