Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
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Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
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Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
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