He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Randomize
