What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Randomize
