we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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