Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
