i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
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