i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
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All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
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