What tipped you off? The sombrero?
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
