I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
