is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
