Banned from zoo.
Again?
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
