take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
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