thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
