Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Randomize
