She bit a glass in half.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
