He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
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