Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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