ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
