we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
