Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
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sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
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"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip πππ
Your skills amaze me
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
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