Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
