Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
Michael Bay diarrhea
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
