I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
