Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
