never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
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if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
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She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.