is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
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I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
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Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!