Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.