When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.