So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize
