peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Randomize
