Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
We are two peas in an std pod
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
