Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
