Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
She told me I should be a condom model.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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