You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
