he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
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