Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
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