he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
