so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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