you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Randomize
