I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
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