Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
