There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Randomize
