Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
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