We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
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