She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
