apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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