just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
I want a musical about memes.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
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