oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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